. I realize my post was vague, and although it wasn't my intention, I'm happy to see the results, which include comments and topics that are philosophical, biological, political, and everything else. As far as I can tell, the only items in your pro column appear to be 1) pleasing others and fulfilling their expectations (DO NOT DO THAT), and 2) giving your daughter siblings in order to improve. Thanks all that have commented and continue to comment. No one is a perfect parent, but I do think you need to be able to devote the time. I'm 39. On my 18 week a/s they did detect cysts on babies brain, soft marker for Tricosmy 18 so I did follow up test with a verifi blood draw which 8 days later eliminated the worry. Selfish! Three different studies looked at thousands of older adults and found the same thing: two kids was the sweet spot for health. Like all parents of only children, I felt a swell of affection for these two: the dad doing his best in a pandemic, the kid, who looked to be about five, also doing his best, no other kids trailing behind . From the benefit of hindsight (and with an only child who is now grown), it worked out for the best that I only had one child. People are going to judge you no matter what you do: Don't have kids? On a sunny afternoon in June, I sat on my friend's porch as we watched her two boys and my 7-year-old son bounce themselves silly on a trampoline. IF you do have another one, do it because YOU and your spouse/partner want to. Hi . For years I only wanted one. You're focused on your career. About 50% of only children are lonely and 50% of siblinged kids despise their brothers and/or sisters, so it could go either way for both types. She turned out to be a good person, and she was not "lonely" at all. Some may say I'm still missing out in life. Everyone keeps telling me I'll regret it and she will be alone. Having two children reduces mortality risk. And while she's extremely proud of her son Cooper, she does have one regret. "When I was about 19 or 20, I read a book called "The Baby Trap," by Ellen Peck. We are 32, we have one child. May 12, 2015 5:09pm 5:09 pm. The most powerful argument for having children remains that they simply give our short little lives meaning. That is a tough one. Yes I do and it's one of the reasons why I still get angry at my mother for being too controlling and overprotective. However, if having another child would put so much strain on you and your husband that it would affect your relationship or your overall well being, then maybe it isn't for you. 15. Our decision was resolute, but this did not make having a single child any easier, at . Why parents choose to have an only child Having one child is enough for a lot of parents out there. 16. I never looked back.". Moments of overwhelm will pass, but my instincts aren't going anywhere; I can lean on them. Two cars in the garage, at least two kids (preferably a boy and a girl), and a chicken in every pot. She always seems to have a great time when we're out. Do you regret anything? Young love helps you learn what type of relationship you want and you learn valuable life lessons from it. UPDATED August 1st, 2016. I just couldn't face having another baby as I found it so hard the first time around (good baby but I had post partum mania) I don't know why, but in my heart I always thought another one might come along or I would suddenly feel at peace with my decision. "Having an only child is one of the biggest regrets of my life. N.T. Literally, no one will say no to free babysitting, and having one more kid to keep tabs on, even just for a day, can help you get a feel for if . Melissa Rivers has been a mom for 16 years now. Also, as we are now taking care of my husband's parents, i think it would be nice to have that kind of safety net for our old age. Fourteen years into their relationship, when she was 40, they decided . This week, the actor and model Elizabeth Hurley - who has a 16-year-old son, Damian - offered her own take on the issue, saying her one regret was not having more than one child. But once I hit my 30's I realized I may want to try out this whole motherhood thing. Or feel sad that your child won't experience having a sibling to grow up with and play with or be there for them? We both get anxious when they are large numbers of kids around. Would have liked to have more, but the marriage didn't work out. It's entirely possible, of course, to thrive as a working mother and lean into your industry no matter how many children you have. This is more to do with the timing of having a baby; well, the majority of the regrets on this list are because of the timing of the pregnancy. Cathy, 67 years old. Reply. BUY EU Digital Covid Certificate without taking the toxic vaccine The green pass will be required for anyone aged 12 and over and, at the moment, Italy's digital health certificate is only available to BUY CANADIAN DIGITAL COVID-19 CERTIFICATE people who were vaccinated, tested or recovered in Italy. The repercussions wouldn't just affect us, but our son too. "I got pregnant the first time he watered the seed . One way you can get a glimpse at this potential new reality is to "borrow" a friend or family member's child for a day or so even if the child is a different age than the child you might adopt. I always saw myself with more than one, but it was not because I had problems with being an only. It's a great sign that your husband is a great dad, especially considering that maybe toddlerhood is not his favorite stage. My only regret is, now that I'm older, I do sometimes think it would be nice to have grown children -- I see the relationship friends have with their grown children and I think that would be nice. My husband desperately wanted to try for another one but I convinced him that one was enough and that having another baby would ruin the dynamic the three of us had. In my case we are just happy with one but it's like I aren't allowed to feel happy. Just hold on to that thought. Fourteen years into their relationship, when she was 40, they decided . . Those of us who attempt to make the best of all . At least so far Unless you are feeling pressure to have a second, give yourself some time to think about it. I was able to give my child what she describes as a fairy tale life. Just be true to yourself. But neither do we feel like we want to add another person to our family. "When seconds MATTER, cops are only minutes away . If you don't it maybe a big regret but if you do have another I don't know of a single person that really regrets that decision. I lived with three only children my senior year of college. Pretty much for all of the reasons you mentioned. He is now 4 years old. Our things are our things and our food is our food. I must have missed that thread! I had only one. Yes, betrayal.". However, when I blocked . And I thought often of the family-planning slogan I used to see painted on New Delhi bus stops: Hum do, humare do, which means "us two, our two." We decided to have just one more. But I can handle the struggle, believing I'm no less of a mother if I don't enjoy every moment. If you dote on your only child and satisfy his every whim, you'll regret doing so in the long run, says Pickhardt. My second child is much easier than the first. Eliminating your confusion involves finding answers . . The truth is that having one child as opposed to two or more allows for a much more controlled environment, and there are also fewer relationships in the family to potentially complicate the. Just follow you heart. So it's probably not wise to tell a person who only has one child that "you can never actually afford a child, it will just work itself out. We are not great at sharing. She had the full time love and attention of two loving parents who doted on her. The Tough Questions. You will learn not only what it is like to raise an only child, but also what it is like to be one. They make it difficult to travel. He is amazing, brilliant, adorable, and the most amazing thing I have ever created. No regrets having one child. So to all you parents of only children out there, don't worry . And finally, there's Eight is Enough, which began in 1977 about a two-parent family with 8 children. If it were deeply sad, if I were the kind of woman who felt truly incomplete without a child, I would have handled it differently. Breastfeeding was magical. Now that we have 2, DH can only see the financial issue of adding a #3. I was an only child and really it's a 50/50 shot at happiness. This mother of one sums up the feelings of many who believe a singleton is right for them. Some People Only Want 1 Child: Deal With It! I never have. There is such a stigma about people only having one child what some people don't realise is some are only able to have one. Only-Children Statistics Although our culture perpetuates the idea that the perfect family includes at least two children, the number of one-child families is higher now, from just under 10% in. Health, Parenting. Not because you think you should or you wonder if you will regret it or you wonder if your child needs a sibling. I say I'm living life the same, just with "siblings" who go by different titles. Health, Parenting. I did not do the NT scan and a part of me did regret it, part of me did not. Why I Regret Having an Only Child. However I do know someone who wishes she had gotten her tubes down after 1 child instead of having more. UPDATED August 1st, 2016. They make it difficult to vacation. On the other side of the row of baby blue hydrangea bushes, in the neighboring yard, I saw a boy of about 12, playing . We only have 2 together and the other 5 are my step children but i still consider them mine. It's making me upset but I feel so sure on No. "My biggest regret as a parent was not having more children," the . To have one child she feels is "seen as selfish, because children are the ultimate sacrifice. Brighton: The Adult Only-Child in Therapy: Exploring the Stereotype. Camillee on The Guilt with Having Only One Child; Birdie on The Guilt with Having Only One Child; Categories. The thing I cannot answer for you is the health issue with your child. I really want a #3. Anyway, yes, your daughter will beg for a sibling — just as kids with siblings wail, "WHY CAN'T I BE AN ONLY CHILD? If you regret having them there's way too much at stake, and no child deserves that. A Ravenclaw trying to parent a Gryffindor -.- People say it's selfish to have only one child, and that we'd regret the decision, but I don't think we should make a decision this huge if our hearts aren't in it. How did you make the decision to just have one child? Does anybody regret only having one child (22 Posts) Add message | Report. Ratings: +152,694 / 5,925 / -1,720. Anyway . I think maybe that was some politician's campaign slogan in the 1950s. Many moms regret bringing a child into the world which they know is going to reared by an ordinary person. Addressed to women because we have our biological choices curtailed in a way that men don't: I guess I'm thinking about this stuff because it's Valentine's Day, and I was thinking about my ex. Incidentally, this also happens to be the one justification for having kids that people struggle with the most, especially if they're young and have their whole life ahead of them. But you don't know what you don't know. "They" always say you will regret having the kids you never had, but you will never regret the ones you do have. Only-Children Statistics. No regrets. No, nooo, no and Nope. The risk of an early death increases by 18% for parents of an only child. I would like our son to have * She isn't lacking in anything, and she has cousins and friends. Beginning in 1977 and running five seasons, Eight is Enough was about a two-parent family of 8 children and the adventures/misadventures that ensued. I am afraid I will regret it. Saturday 19th March 2016 Trainer: Dr Bernice Sorensen Venue: Training Room, City Coast Centre, Portslade (Brighton & Hove), BN41 1DG Schedule: 10am to 4.30pm (Registration at 9.45am) Course Fee: £114 including ample lunch . We do days out just the two of us and its never cossed my mind that she might be missing out when we have days out. No doctor ever says you might regret having children. You may regret it because they are physically, emotionally and financially taxing. It was a revelation to me that, not only were there other women who didn't want to have children but that it was actually perfectly okay to feel that way. They were all good friends of mine, and they were all wonderful people. Molly Boeder Harris, a nonprofit director in Portland, Oregon, says she and her partner were on the fence about having kids. I'm 39. The saying "You only regret the kids you don't have" is definitely NOT true for everyone. Why I Regret Having an Only Child. However, my husband and I often agree that, if we could go back in time and never know the joy of having our son in our life, we wouldn't . 1. Esther. Originally Answered: Do you regret having only one child? We did eventually have a happy surprise second child. "You'll regret it if you don't have another one." "You aren't getting any younger." "Oh you can handle another one, it's easier with two." "It's like having two dogs; they'll play with each other." "Only children are weird." "It's not that expensive to have another baby." "You don't want them to be too far apart so you'd better have one soon." We always talked about 3-4 kids (he was 4, I was 3). Here are six reasons to be a one-child family, straight from parents who explain what it's like: the pros, cons, and everything in between. Also, the risk is higher for parents of three or more kids. But it did happen, as the couple would go on to welcome daughter Palmer Corrine in November 2017, three and a half years after tying the knot. by bernice on January 24, 2016. in Bernice's Research. 13 Feeling Ordinary. I don't have kids because my former marriage, and my ex-husband, was unstable. There is a 50:50 chance they would say yes! Is Having An Only Child Selfish? Neither of us have ever wanted another or felt any regret. If you dote on your only child and satisfy his every whim, you'll regret doing so in the long run, says Pickhardt. Thanks all that have commented and continue to comment. March 10, 2013 at 7:10 pm. Nope. It's a good one. My son is 5. So if you've decided your family is perfect with one child, that's a good thing, don't feel guilty about not having a sibling. Telling people that you are an only child is like saying you were raised in a cult, you get a range of looks in response, that span the gap from mildly surprised to outright disgusted. I think the best parents have one that is home, available for the child, from my experience. On the other side of the row of baby blue hydrangea bushes, in the neighboring yard, I saw a boy of about 12, playing . We love our daughter and never regret her one instant. I just couldn't face having another baby as I found it so hard the first time around (good baby but I had post partum mania) I don't know why, but in my heart I always thought another one might come along or I would suddenly feel at peace with my decision. One of the repercussions of such overindulgence: Some only children want to have . Someday, we might adopt. This week, the actor and model Elizabeth Hurley - who has a 16-year-old son, Damian - offered her own take on the issue, saying her one regret was not having more than one child. Have one because you have the money and want to put in the effort. I realize my post was vague, and although it wasn't my intention, I'm happy to see the results, which include comments and topics that are philosophical, biological, political, and everything else. We have our oldest son he just graduated high school and will be 19 this october. Edit: I really enjoy reading the different points of view, and avenues of logic. It sounds incredibly selfish—I'm aware—but that's my truth right now. They are 8.5 years apart. We have a 17, 16, 12, 10, 7, 2. He's active, is hands-on, and exhibits pride. But then I decided I know one too many bratty only children. Edit: I really enjoy reading the different points of view, and avenues of logic. I hated being an only child and vowed never to have only one child, however I have a 3 year old son and due to having had facility treatment to have him I fear I may not have any more. It is — but only sort of. Molly Boeder Harris, a nonprofit director in Portland, Oregon, says she and her partner were on the fence about having kids. Mar 11, 2011. Aditya Mukherjee, Nov 25 2019, 02:51 ist; updated: Nov 25 2019, 02:51 ist . People automatically think we are weird. The Case for the Only Child is designed to unravel your questions and clarify the concerns you may have about formulating a "yes" or "no" decision to have one child. only children described in Hall's work were spoiled, selfish, self-absorbed, antisocial, bossy, and maladjusted. Lots of mood swings. If he can do all this while feeling what he says is "deep regret," imagine the potential if/when he doesn't feel deep regret. Although our culture perpetuates the idea that the perfect family includes at least two children, the number of one-child families is higher now, from just under 10% in . One of the repercussions of such overindulgence: Some only children want to have . For me, the decision to have a second child could never be a fully comfortable one. And what's even worse is that stopping after one was my sole decision. If you only want to have one child, then stick with your decision and don''t let. DH and I have been together since we were teenagers (40s now) and right from the very start have only ever planned to have one child. I did have a child I raised from 8 to 17 was my Ex Gf's daughter, still think shes wonderful overall well behaved but I watched society turn her into a SJW ( Bay Area . We went round in circles and decided we were happy as we were. There's a lot of psychological research, actually, on the affect of being an only child. I now find myself . Also consider finding a community of other parents of only children. !" There's no one magic way to have a happy family, and there's no happy family. They make it difficult to have intimacy with your . I really don't think I've helped much, but I try! I don't for a minute regret only having one. According to recent research, being an only child does not necessarily make you the same as a peer. But no one mentions you might regret having them. I have 3 children…..I think that if you "think" you want a another child that you should definitely have one. There is no reason to be self-absorbed or antisocial because you lack a sibling. 1. I was one of ten and grew up with nothing. Disadvantages. They make it difficult to save money. In the end, we just didn't have it in us to take the chance. . If you ask DS he says having a brother (not a sister) would be ok sometimes as long as they were a nice kid and actually wanted to play the same games. We spent every holiday alone, and my parents did not believe in celebrating holidays just the three of us because it was "too much work." "It's hard because I did want kids, so I'm envious, but it's also hard because my friends' departure into parenthood feels like betrayal. Sometimes I regret not having ONE. Why You Won't Regret Having Kids. Having a child would force Matt & I to uproot our otherwise fulfilled, happy, and unencumbered lives. I feel guilty saying it out loud because I know how many women want children so desperately but can't have them. I do think, however, that if you are on the fence or questioning the kid decision, the best thing to do is to wait until you are sure. If you regret not having kids you can either have them, adopt them, or find a way to include them in your life. Congratulations on the new baby! My dd is my only one and I don't regret just having one. My body bounced right back. On a sunny afternoon in June, I sat on my friend's porch as we watched her two boys and my 7-year-old son bounce themselves silly on a trampoline. Reply. P.S. Read more: 10 signs you're probably done having kids> At first, it was simple. Anonymous wrote:I am an only child and it is a very lonely and empty life, especially if one lives in an area without any local extended family.When I was growing up the closest extended family was a 5 hour plane ride away, and we only saw them once a year. 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